15 November, 2007

so much past inside my present

One of my best friends from high school, Emily E., is getting married this weekend and I couldn't be more excited. And it's Kelsey's 18th birthday. And it's Thanksgiving. And I'm not coming back to school for Monday and Tuesday of class. Things are looking UP!

I did go running yesterday. But Elizabeth and my sisters are still going to kick my butt in that 8K on Thanksgiving morning...

I called mom yesterday while walking to class. "I just want to leave here and never come back," I blurted out. I stopped, surprised at myself, not really sure where that statement came from: I wasn't even prepared for it. I've never felt that way about this place before. She was surprised, too; usually I'm peppy. Usually I'm delighted with this university. I don't get dissatisfied with my current position in life. That's just not me. "Wha... honey, what what do you mean?" She stammered. "I don't know; I'm just so sick of it all. I want to come HOME." But the feeling slides back to wherever it came from. Gradually. I don't even know what I would do if I didn't come back here. I just didn't want to be here. But it gets better. Pockets of sunshine, you know?

How nice it would be to sit back and let somebody else row.

I like being a low-ranking faux journalist. The Daily Tarheel is an exciting place to be.

"Why does journalism have to be so cold? Le sigh."--Eva, in a recent letter

When I walk around this campus, I want to stop people and say, Tell me your secret sorrow. Tell me about the things I can't read in your face. I want to know; I care! I care!

I tried rewriting the 10 commandments yesterday. Not rewriting as in creating new ones, but in rewording to draw out the meaning. Since I've been studying Exodus, it was very helpful to realize that God has high standards. And it's not just that He wants us to live moral lives; He wants us to live in a way that honors Him, so any moral behavior that we exhibit should flow from that intrinsic desire to honor God. Most of the time, it's hard to believe that it's not just a list of rules, but this exercise helped point me in the direction of original intent.

I've been receiving lots of random hair comments lately. Usually positive ones. But I'm not really sure why, because I'm frustrated with my hair. It does not possess any variability. It's curly and either long or somewhat long. That's about it. I have random fleeting urges to shave it.

I am going HOME tomorrow...


fiercest said...

enjoy home--i love my aunt's house but i'm wishing i was going home as well.

and abby, i've had many, many days where i wanted to leave and not come back. it's a love-hate thing with this place and you have, i think, reasons to not want to be here. but stay, stay with us. it is a place that fails us, but i think it can love us, too, if that makes any sense.

on a completely different note, if you want to cut your hair i'm going back to moshi moshi sometime before the end of exams, and you should totally come with. karen would sort you out and we could get tea afterwards.

Anonymous said...

Abby, You are a beautiful young woman and God has good things in store for you. He knows your heart and he will guide you.

Anonymous said...

Your hair is pretty much amazing. I want to make out with it..

emily said...

I am imagining you with a shaved head and you look gorgeous. Prettier than Sinead O'Conner. Prettier than everyone.

But I like your hair a lot, too. So keep it, I think.

sarah said...

whenever you upload your pictures I kind of...really, very much want to see them.

((oh, and it's true; you may have gorgeous hair and gorgeous eyes and gorgeous everything but your ears ARE fat!))


Elizabeth said...

Well, Abby, if you *do* cut your hair, I think you should cut it like Princess Anne in Roman Holiday. :)

I bet that style would look fabulous on you since you have naturally curly hair.

Eliz said...

you know it's odd.. I can picture you without hair too... can't do that with many people.. and emily's right.

it looks more than "just great"