21 January, 2010

the worst story in the Bible

While my orchid is blooming to life, other things in ARMO are dying. My goldfish (the last remaining decorations from the annual New Year's Day party) died this morning. (I had changed their names from Taylor Swift and Sonia Sotomayor to Virginia Woolf and Vanessa Bell, respectively). I was going to ask Amy to feed them for me this weekend, since I'm going home to wrestle through other wedding plans, but when I came upstairs to check on them, they were floating at the surface. I wonder if Virginia drowned in homage to her namesake. I am sad to see them go; Nessa was especially lovely. But they did only cost me 25 cents. So I'm not too torn up about it.

I read what is arguably the WORST story in the Bible this morning. Geez, Elisha, you can't take some teasing from little kids? Someone is still really sensitive about getting bullied on the playground. Please read, and subsequently cringe along with, 2 Kings 2:23-26:

"[Elisha] went up from there to Bethel, and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, 'Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!' And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys. From there he went on to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria."

Reflections:

1. That's a lot of little boys.
2. Talk about the super-fragile male ego...
3. HOW IS THIS EVEN REMOTELY OK!?
4. I love that last verse: And then, pleased with the carnage, he went on his merry way.

Moral of the story: Don't make fun of prophets. Because then bears will eat you.

I am looking forward to going home. It's cold and rainy here and I'm already tired of having to deal with parking fiascos, school, presentations. Guion is going to come up tonight and spend the night with us and help me calm down and make some more nuptial decisions.

Observation about being engaged: Engaged women are supernaturally magnetized toward one another. Get two women who don't know each other at all in a room, reveal the fact that they're both getting married, and they will be BFFs in about 10 minutes. "Oh, you're using that florist? Me too! OMG, that's so crazy..." I confess. I do it, too.

5 comments:

Caroline said...

That's terrible.

I read Judges 19 this past week, and it made me cry.

mike said...

So, one might not wanna make fun of anyone, seein' as how they might be a prophet unknown to the mocker!

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nick w said...

I first heard that Elisha story at a week-long session at Christian summer camp when I was 9 or 10. Our counselors offered it as an example of how Bible stories are awesome. We also talked about talking donkeys and Job's dinosaurs, and about the guy early in Judges who stabs a man who is so fat that the judge loses his knife. 10 year old Nick agreed that these were awesome stories, and 21 year old Nick is only slightly less sure that they are.

Jonathan Hecht said...

Well played, Abigail, well played.